Personal Change

Cool quote from a book I'm reading....

" It is the synergy between ideas and the intimate connection with other people that is most effective both in diminishing death anxiety and in harnessing the awakening experience to effect personal change" - Irvin Yalom

Making friends in a mountain town

Many people feel like it is difficult making friends in a mountain town due to its transient nature. Most people are not from the area so there isn't that connection to friends that are established in school/university.
The ones that have been here for a while have their clique and it seems like alot of effort to let someone new in. Yes... it does take effort...but not the kind of effort like taking out the trash or doing the dirty dishes. It's fun, interesting and fulfilling. Everyone is the same..everyone needs friendship. Friendship gives us perspective, grounding and a sense of belonging. Friendship gives us a safe haven from the roller coaster of life. Friendship should be non-judgemental, real and honest. Friendship does take effort and in return (not that you should expect it) you will be given the greatest gift of all...yes you guessed it...

Research shows that one of the reasons women live longer after their long term partner dies is because of their ability of maintain relationships with their friends. Love and support are critical. This is not to say men don't need it. They absolutely do. It's so good to take time out from your partner to have that bonding with your mates. It's a different dynamic and the time away actually strengthens and unites us back with our partner. It inspires discussion and analysis of people and life.

I think friendship effort is worth it...and if someone doesn't respond to it...that's ok..because there is always someone who will and they are the ones you want to be friends with.

The ultimate goal

Along the road of life we are always told to set goals as this will give us focus and a sense of direction. Short term goals, medium term goals, long terms goals, sport goals, weight goals, career goals, relationship goals, travel goals..the list is endless. At what point can we just stop for a second and just BE? Don't get me wrong, I am an extremely goal orientated person and see their value. Yet, sometimes its nice to just jump off the bus and hang out for a while. The hard part is actually being OK with this and not beating yourself up for not running a marathon this year or enrolling in online distance education. Enjoying a slow morning reading the paper, lying on the grass looking up to the clouds, eating a chocolate popsicle without guilt...just being present. The day will come when the psych to step it up again returns.

First Bike Ride

Munchy hanging out at the Smoke Bluffs while we climb

Last year taking Munchy to the crag was quite easy. She just sat there in her car seat capsule and slept. Some days we would even manage being out there for six hours and she was as happy as can be. Fast forward one year and we officially have an "active" toddler. She is not really one for sitting still for more than a mili-second so we knew we needed to meet climbing families to share minding duties. Luckily, we have met a wicked family with a 2 year old boy. The mom is so cool. Great climber and fun to be out there with. Her son is a hoot and loves singing songs and watching Mommy go "up up up!" . Munchy loves getting dirty (see face in photo), eating sand and discovering all the natural terrain. We all manage to get some good routes in. Everyone is happy. Who said having kids has to change your lifestyle? You have to be more creative and determined but it is possible.

Munchy familiarizing herself with the gear. 

Rock climbing at Marble Canyon on the weekend

Desperately wanting to escape the weather of Whistler, we headed to one of the driest regions of BC for some Limestone multi-pitch rock climbing. We left at 7pm on Saturday evening. The grandparents were minding Munchy for the weekend...we were free! The campsite at Marble is nestled next to spectacular Pavilion Lake. Certainly a great place to visit even if not planning on heading up the towering slabs. All is perfect until you actually get on the rock. It's an absolute rubble fest! Little gravel bullets every where. Each pitch covered in a layer of crusty dirt! Gross!

We suffered up each pitch hoping it would get better. Dreaming!   Oh well..at least we got away for an adventure. We hastily drove back home so we could spend time with Munchy that evening before she went to bed. We were greeted with extreme excitement and her first steps into toddler life! Yes! She walked into my arms for the first time. It was an awesome day after all.

Third Pitch of Sisyphus

Life after Death and life after death

Everyone has different views of what happens to our soul when we die. Having recently been through the heartbreaking death of my father it really brings to surface my own mortality. I have never really had any doubt that our spirits continue to live on in the universe somehow. But seeing someone die and lay there dead in front of you is extremely confronting and challenges the possibilities of this being true. I want to believe so badly again as it's a calming thought. If anyone has any convincing thoughts on the matter feel free to comment. Then there is life after death of those left behind. Everything is different. Mostly for the partner. All of a sudden you have no one to make dinner for or ask to pick up some milk. The little things. This is where true friends  are there to invite you to the movies, pop in for a cuppa tea. They are just there. You also have choices. You can crawl into a cave or poke your head out see what the world had to offer. It's important to get out there and do all the things you've dreamed of but never had the time or chance. New chapters can be exciting.

Letting go

This morning I slept until 7.30am. I feel like a new woman! This isn't to say Munchy slept until then..oh no...the summer has brought on a new 5.30am wake up wail. (Stupid me not buying blackout blinds!) I know B is working at the moment and I'm being mommy. But that's a job too right?! So I asked him to get up..and of course he did. They had a ball together downstairs, doing daddy/daughter stuff. Quality time with Dad is so important..especially when Mom isn't there...its just different. It's so important as well for Mom to let go and recognize she needs sleep, to let go and have more sleep.
It's OK if the milk is warmed to boiling point then needs to be put in freezer to cool down, it's OK if the breakfast is not what they usually have, it's OK if bub is put in green polka dot pants and a pink stripy top. You get to sleep and Dad gets to be Dad.

Psychosomatic Illness

No one underestimates the power of the mind. Even western medicine will admit that stress can affect our body. Philosopher Aurelius said" You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength".  
This is all well and good. But how do we tap into feelings that are so deeply buried to escape psycho-somatic illness?  
Psychosomatic means that a physical condition is caused or greatly influenced by psychological factors. The psychosomatic approach to health views illness as a form of communication between the conscious and the unconscious mind through the body. The psychosomatic approach sees Illness as a person’s way of adapting to an environment. It is a message that communicates a need for change. However, very few people interpret their illness as a form of communication or symptom of a deeper problem that needs to be dealt with. The most common solution today is to ignore the message and try to get rid of the symptoms.
A big part of dealing with this issue is DEALING WITH THE ISSUE. Asking for support with daily chores so you have TIME to deal is also important. Often it actually takes completely removing yourself from a situation (briefly or permanently) to sort it all out. 
We are our own best doctor's in many ways. We know ourselves (or should). We know when something isn't right. There is nothing more frustrating when being told there is nothing wrong, when we don't feel 100%. Of course there is absolutely need for medicine when truly needed. But it's so important to take our overall health into our hands to discover what is really going on.

Some people just "get it"

I often wonder what makes some people so giving, so thoughtful, so....nice....and with some other people...you think..." what the...!"
We have been fortunate to have built our house next door to quite possibly one of the nicest families I have ever met. The husband is a complete energizer bunny, always outside diligently taking care of his house and always there to lend a helping hand. He is just plain and simply awesome. His wife is an equal gem. Caring, funny, sincere. This couple just get it. Is it nature or nurture that builds such character. I believe it's both inherent as well as up to parents to create a well adjusted person. From the very beginning we can teach our kids to share and have empathy. To understand that giving is just as rewarding as receiving may be difficult for a child to grasp but why not give it a shot and plant the seed early.

 I don't think I actually "got it" until I was 30...but hey! better late than never! It truly was one of those "ah ha" moments. It wasn't just maturity that flicked the switch, but a very wise soul who taught me so many things..giving being one of them. Thanks Andy.

Anyway back to my point..(I think I have one?)...People can change and grow...often the best way..is to shower them with love and  kindness. It's infectious!

Look at yourself first

Throughout life we are disappointed by various people. Family, friends, partners, children etc.  Either our expectations exceed capabilities or they are unrealistic. We are living in a fantasy land where everyone one should be close to perfect. Ha! No one is ...Including us!! Sometimes we lose sight of that. We criticize, analyze and chronically compare. It's crippling. Before we jump on the judgement bandwagon, it would be great if we could take a look at what we are doing with our own lives. How could we improve? or how could we support our loved ones to achieve our expectations? 

                                                    
                      Munchy on her 1st Birthday

"If you've never been hated by your child you've never been a parent" - Bette Davis

I remember when I first bought Munchy home from the hospital and the local public health nurse came to the house for a check up as they do to everyone in the community. I thought, how lovely..I really need this as I have no idea what I'm doing being a first time mom. But when she got talking...a feeling in my gut told me something wasn't right. She kept going on about feeding on demand and not feeding on a schedule. She left and I decided that she was wrong and I started feeding my baby every 3 hours. It worked a treat and she slept through the night from 6 weeks old (From 7pm- 7am). There have been a few hiccups of illness in between but otherwise she has done this until now (13.5 months). I put her down for her nap not when she was tired or grumpy. When it was TIME.  I'm gobsmacked when I hear that some kids are going to bed around 9-11pm. Seriously!! How are you sane? How do you talk properly to your partner? When do you wash half of lost lake sand out of their clothing?
I love that feeling of walking downstairs at 7.02pm (yes I put her to bed at 7 and she is asleep at 7.01 - or pretending to be?) and being able to completely chill with B. Even if he does want to watch tank battles of WW2 for the millionth time. We share wine, ice cream, massages, gripes about crappy tradesmen or awesome peaks we'd like to climb. Just chill. Children rely on us to set a schedule to give them enough sleep. You wouldn't deny your kid food. Sleep is the same and critical for growth. Parents are still giving in and find it difficult to say "NO!" I think many parents think crying means a baby is upset and needs comfort. Sometimes it's true, it could also mean "I'm bored", I want my blankie as  it fell out of the crib",  "I miss you", "this t-shirt has an itchy tag". Anyway my point is that babies need to self soothe or in other words suck it up til morning. That may seem harsh but after a few nights of no one coming in to answer their screams they figure it out and stop doing it.
Tough love I know...and not for everyone, but it works for me.

Guilt and trying to be the perfect mother

I thought seeing I named this blog "Whistler Mountain Momma" I better write about some Mom things. I was chatting to a good friend YF the other day and I was saying how I felt guilty if I spend Munchy's awake time doing something for me like riding with the chariot or hiking in the forest. I felt like because she was strapped in and not moving she was not doing the wriggling around she needs to build muscle and coordination. YF reminded me NOT to feel guilty and that it is so important that we as mothers stay sane and happy by doing what we love too. Happy mommy = happy EVERYONE in the family. Thanks YF !

It sparked me to think about all the activities/programs kids are now doing as we want our kids to have every opportunity and not miss out. Me included!  But I think it's really important to evaluate how many of these programs do they really need to be involved in to become successful and full filled. Sure pick a few here and there. But let kids play too. Don't over schedule them. Not only easier on the pocket, but leads to a more creative environment for kids to create their own entertainment!
I will follow up on this blog with my thoughts on homework...

At the water park

A commitment to health

We are often told - live for now - enjoy each day as if it's your last. While this is absolutely true in regard to being free spirited, our health requires a commitment much more than just today. Our overall health and well being requires a day in and day out balance of nutrition, exercise, fresh air, love, laughter, education and reflection...Some people never connect with the fact that what they do in daily living truly will effect their lifespan. It doesn't seem real because death's door isn't in front of their face. But..as we all know deep down. It is real. Death is inevitable but in most of us it is controllable. We dictate how we live our lives, whether we drink to excess, smoke, sit on the couch and eat potato crisps etc....all of those things seem like obvious red flags for an early death yet people still do it without connecting.
When the end is near it would be really cool to be able to think back and assess. Did we live our life with respect to our bodies, our families and friends? Did we grow each day internally and learn how we could be better? Did we learn new ways to enjoy life as our aging body changed it's abilities? Were we committed to giving everything we had to this life rather than just sitting on the sidelines?
When you see the face of death (literally) it really makes you think.
To make changes... look around at the people in your life ...do you see things that could be done differently? Often it's easier to see it this way rather than look at what we are already doing.

Take care of number 1

Being positive can sometimes be a hindrance. It can lead to naivety. You trust that everything will be OK. Sorry folks, life just isn't that dreamy. Question everything, don't trust instantly, be critical when investigating. Thoroughly double check details as other professionals make mistakes. OFTEN.  It's quite scary actually. Most people are out for themselves and to make fast money off you. My partner B told me that his mother taught him to take care of number 1 as no one else will. People will always tell you what they think you want to hear to get a sale or pass the buck etc.
There has been so much BS with building a new house from scratch. The finish line is near people ...I can smell the sod coming now.
For all those contractors out there (i doubt you will be reading this but anyway...) have some frigging pride in your work. Do a job properly so you don't have to come back 3 times to fix it. Don't wreck other people's work. e.g. bang the walls with your stupid tool belt when walking through the house. Thank you.

The Universe Listens

 Is it just me or do things come true for those that wish hard enough? Im not just talking about the arrival of glorious summer today.
The world is a weird and wonderful place. The Buddhists believe in a nutshell that suffering leads to enlightenment. Without the down we cant feel the up.
Whether it’s the painful plight of training for an ironman triathlon or breaking up from a toxic relationship...same same ...Some find it very difficult to take the jump...
They prefer the even steady pace of the known versus the unknown. Why risk further failure or heartache. Fair enough for them but to me that doesn't seem to be respectful to one’s soul and destiny.
Follow your heart...make it happen...

"Hello summer... are you out there???"

Rain during our pathetically short summer=bad

Staying in PJ’s all day making blanket cubby house=good

Poor Munchy. All she wants to do is be outside and play..mmm or is that me? I actually don’t think she gives a toot as long as she is stimulated by something or another. Today the Wiggles got a full showing. Personally I think they are a bunch or dorks. High 5 rule the kiddo group roost in my books, but with all this rain I’ve played that DVD several times so it was the Wiggles today. To all those parents who shun tv, I understand your school of thought but I do think this form of media adds a layer to your child’s education (and allows one to actually empty the dishwasher without inquisitive fingers pulling everything out for you).

I hope I don’t sound like I’m complaining about living in whistler ( as some weird people do). It rules!!! Last weekend my husband and I climbed Blackcomb Peak (technical rock route) and then did a multi-pitch in Squamish the next day. I’m blessed with incredibly generous parents in law. They love hanging out the little Munchy. Last year we took her climbing when she was only 5 weeks old. She just slept in the baby capsule at the bottom of the crag. She is a bit wriggly this year so thank god for the chariot as once she is moving it's happy days…More biking this summer. We still plan to climb as much as possible as that’s our number one love.

I’ve tried to set up a babysitting co-op for mom’s in Whistler. It’s the perfect opportunity to get a break with your partner. So easy, it’s just like having a play date but you take turns minding the kids and no money involved. Everything is automatically calculated online so time spent “sitting” is kept track of so no one gets taken advantage of. The website I’m using is sit4sit.com < http://sit4sit.com>  <http://sit4sit.com>

Check it out. If u are in Whistler and want to join my network let me know.

That’s it for now… I just thought I would jump on the ‘ol blog bandwagon and see how it goes. More thoughts, stories, recipes, ideas and quips to come!!!

Caroline